As ever, some clubs bought smart, some bought panic, and a few looked like they were conducting experiments in financial self-harm.
Liverpool stole the show with Alexander Isak for £125 million with add-ons - the priciest signing in British history.
The Swede notched 23 league goals last season at 0.73 goals per 90, a return that comfortably puts him in Erling Haaland's postcode.
Flashscore's xG data backs the move too: Isak scored almost exactly in line with his expected goals tally (22.8 xG), suggesting there is little luck, just repeatable quality. Add Florian Wirtz for £100m, the Bundesliga's most creative midfielder at 0.35 expected assists per game, and Liverpool's attack now looks like it was assembled by a Football Manager enthusiast who's unlocked the takeover mode and is playing with an unlimited budget.
Top flight tinlkering
Manchester City quietly moved on from Ederson after eight trophy-laden years, replacing him with Gianluigi Donnarumma for a reported €30m (£25.5m). It feels cold, but Pep Guardiola does not buy nostalgia.
Donnarumma posted a 74 per cent save rate for PSG in Ligue 1 last season compared to Ederson's 66 per cent in the Premier League, though doubts linger over whether his distribution will survive Pep's passing exam.
Tottenham were refreshingly strategic, adding Mohammed Kudus and Xavi Simons to inject dribbling and chance creation, before deadline day saw Randal Kolo Muani wheel through the door on loan.
Spurs now have options that scream "late-game chaos merchants", which, if nothing else, will be entertaining.
Arsenal bought like grown-ups. Martin Zubimendi (90 per cent pass completion under pressure at Real Sociedad), Eberechi Eze (second among Premier League midfielders for successful dribbles last season), and Viktor Gyokeres (27 league goals for Sporting) plug gaps Mikel Arteta could no longer ignore. No melodrama, just competence, which in this league is practically exotic.
Chelsea's revolving door kept spinning, naturally. João Pedro (£60m) looks a smart fit, but Nicolas Jackson's bizarrely profitable, on-off loan to Bayern with a potential £40m obligation summed up Stamford Bridge's eternal chaos.
At least selling Christopher Nkunku to Milan brought in €42m (£36m), but despite his pitfalls, Jackson's exit feels like cutting loose the one forward who sometimes actually scores.
Manchester United, of all people, did sensible business. Benjamin Sesko (0.58 goals per 90 at RB Leipzig), Bryan Mbeumo (21 direct goal contributions for Brentford), and Matheus Cunha (11 league goals and seven assists for Wolves last season, plus the relentless pressing United's attack has often lacked) are clear upgrades.
Rashford's loan to Barcelona and Hojlund's to Napoli were ruthless but necessary, though it leaves United with a frontline that looks suspiciously like it was assembled by someone who actually reads scouting reports.
Still life in Europe
Beyond the Premier League bubble, this window still had a decent plot. Kevin De Bruyne to Napoli on a free is a romance with structure, pairing Antonio Conte's choreography with perhaps the game's best director, like stumbling into a Gucci shop closing down sale.
Real Madrid quietly hoovered up the future by adding Dean Huijsen, Alvaro Carreras and Franco Mastantuono to an already frighteningly young and vibrant squad, while officially unveiling Trent Alexander-Arnold at the first available opportunity.
Bayern filled their left-wing void with Luis Diaz, which is a very Bayern sort of solution, while Paris Saint-Germain signed Illia Zabarnyi and Lucas Chevalier and promptly made Donnarumma someone else's opportunity.
The continental power map did not redraw itself, but several clubs coloured inside the lines with a smidgen of restraint, largely because UEFA's new squad cost rules and domestic financial controls have tightened the leash.
Premier League monopoly
Premier League accountants, meanwhile, are reaching for the paracetamol. Clubs torched a record £3 billion on transfers this summer, leaving a collective net spend of around £1.2 billion.
Liverpool went full pyromaniac with a -£221m outlay, Arsenal were only a hair behind at -£225m, and Manchester United chipped in with roughly -£153m of their own. Tottenham weighed in at -£110m, while Newcastle softened the blow of losing Isak with an -£84m hit.
Chelsea, hilariously, ended up with a £17.7m profit despite doing their usual supermarket sweep impression.
Somehow, Todd Boehly turned chaos into cash, unveiling a brand new model in modern football ownership with Chelsea: a football club that's also a hedge fund in football shirts.
Either way, the numbers prove what we already suspected: the Premier League is the financial equivalent of a casino at 3am, where the roulette wheel spins endlessly and everyone insists their bet was part of a grand plan.
The worst deals? Newcastle losing Isak despite pretending otherwise for most of August. Chelsea giving Bayern a striker to fix their own lack of one. City waving goodbye to Ederson without a testimonial in sight. And every negotiation that dragged on until deadline day, landing exactly where it could have in July.
So who won the window? Liverpool, unequivocally. Arsenal upgraded without fuss. Spurs became more watchable. City refreshed efficiently. United looked like adults. Chelsea... were Chelsea. And in Europe, Napoli found stardust, Madrid stocked the future, and Bayern did Bayern things.
The window is shut, wallets are empty, and only one certainty remains: by January, half these decisions will look either visionary or deranged.
